Ready to Fight?

The process of allowing God to go through the layers in my life is rough some times. When I am right in the middle of one of those sanctifying moments, I know it's good for me, but it can really hurt. It's hard, but it's not bad.

Yesterday I hung out with a new friend...  physically, he's a massive guy that seems bigger than he really is. You know the kind of guy—the one that that stands up and seems to just keep on standing. What's significant about this new friend (and his frame) is that spending time with this guy has made me think his insides might just mirror his outsides. He's mighty in stature in more than one way.

I wasn't looking for relational handouts. I didn't want a buddy to just pity me through circumstance or lick my wounds. I didn't want a cheerleader to tell me everything was going to be okay... heck no...  I'm a Christian. I know how the story ends. I know we win... I just need to know I am not a weak link in this battle. What I needed was another warrior.

I'm not going to sugar-coat it. I have had a rough couple of weeks emotionally and mentally. The desert's hot and often lonely. My wife has been supportive and my church family has loved, but this particular part of this walk was really meant for me to tackle head on. 

I'm on the upswing. I can see the edge of the desert and I can feel the temperature giving up a little. I say all the time that for our families—for our wives and children, husbands and fathers are called to press in like this and yesterday was just one more day of living that out. 

I'm typing this to you because I want to reiterate that this Christian walk was not meant to be lived alone or without risk. I called this giant guy. I went to him (and his house was crazy far away). I listened, and prayed that as he was praying that the Holy Spirit would minister to him on my behalf. I believe in this. I have seen it work a thousand times. I chose someone new to call because I needed someone who wasn't emotionally invested in my life. I have a good network of guys that love me, but what I needed was a hard hitter—a straight shooter and that is what I got. 

Good straightforward talk. Real questions. Nothing preserving my feelings. Respectful. Honest. He challenged me to think about my situation in a new way. I say all the time that the greatest compliment you can give a friend is to tell them they make you want to be more like Jesus... and, this guy certainly fit the bill. 

I did not know him. I had never hung out with him, and frankly I judged him to the point that I had decided he was not the right guy for this task. But, prayer yielded a different path. The bible tells me to judge a man, not by his outward appearance, but by his fruit. So, that is what I did. Without question this guy has left a trail distinctly marked by the signs and wonders of my Christ.

Great fruit. Check.

I trusted God. I am not very trusting of other men. It took a lot, but I trust God far more than I trust myself, so the appointment was a no-brainer. 

Men, you need other men. You do. And, if you’re the kind of guy that has a rough time asking for help when you need it or calling out when you're on the edge, then you'll have a rougher road to walk than you're called to. That pride is a tricky thing because it feels so good. I know. I had to kill 60 pounds of it just to make my meeting yesterday. 

One thing is for certain, if I never meet with that guy again, yesterday I saw the church work. I reached out. I called him. I drove to his house. He could have rejected me. This meeting could have failed, but it didn't. I trusted God and He showed up. 

Are you alone in this battle? Are you on the edge? Just close the porn window on your laptop and give me a call. I'm ready to fight!

The Limit to Forgiveness

It has been a while since my last post, and there is no time like now to get back into it.

I had a chilling revelation this morning. I was reading the book of Hosea... the book where the husband is commanded by God to remain faithful to a harlot. This book is always difficult for me to read, I mean, after all, does God really want us to love our wives even if they are unfaithful?

My wife is not without her imperfection, but neither am I. She is passionate about our family. Passionate about me. She inspires me to be better. I know she loves me. So, I am certainly not being asked to love someone who is unfaithful, but what this book has brought into question for me is my own level of forgiveness towards her. If Hosea was called to love a woman who did not love him back, then how deeply am I called to love my wife?

Here is an excerpt I found I wanted to share in regards to forgiveness:

How many times should a husband or wife forgive? Some contend, “If I keep forgiving I simply affirm him in his pattern of sin.” Or “If I keep forgiving, she’ll think she can get away with anything she wants.” Others say, “If I keep forgiving, it’s like putting  my seal of approval on his behavior.” Or “I can’t take another hurt like that. If he does that one more time, I’m leaving.” Those are human responses. Listen to the response of the Lord Jesus. You see, Peter had asked the Lord this same question: “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Up to seven times?” The Lord’s answer was, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven” (Matt. 18:21, 22). That is a great deal of forgiveness. In fact, Christ was simply saying that there is no end to forgiveness.

Sometimes it’s just the little slights and daily agitations that need forgiveness, the occasional sharp word or angry accusation. But we harbor it, let it eat at us, and build up bitterness and resentment which erodes our relationship. Maybe it’s a major offense, like Gomer’s, and we can never forget it. We stew on it and fret over it, and we keep bringing it up in a subconscious attempt to punish our mates for the hurts we have suffered. We try to forgive, but a few days later it’s right there again, preying on our consciousness. Big wounds sometimes take longer to heal. They will come back to our minds. There is no way to avoid it. But every time they do, we must first remind ourselves that we really did forgive, then rehearse how much God has forgiven us, then ask Him to take the destructive, unforgiving thoughts out of our minds.

Forgiveness does not necessarily mean that we must suffer in silence. The need for open and honest communication would demand that we share what we think and how we feel, what the wrong has done to us, and how our mates can help us get over it. God tells us how much our sin grieves Him. Gomer certainly knew how her affairs were tearing at Hosea’s heart. What we say must be said lovingly and kindly, but we have both the need and the obligation to share what is on our hearts.

Neither does forgiveness necessarily mean we cannot take positive steps to guard against the sin recurring. That might require some extended counseling; it might demand an honest reappraisal of our personalities or habit patterns; it might mean a change in our life-style or a relocation. God takes positive steps to help us want to please Him. That is what divine discipline is all about. We do not discipline each other, but we can discuss steps that will help us avoid these same pitfalls in the future.

Forgiveness does mean, however, that we will pay for the other person’s offenses. We will refuse to retaliate in any way to make the guilty person pay. We will absolve him of all guilt. God can use that forgiving love to melt hardened hearts and change callused lives quicker than anything else in this whole wide world. That is the lesson of Hosea and Gomer, the lesson of forgiveness. God’s love and forgiveness pervade Hosea’s entire prophecy. Please do not misunderstand it. God hates sin; it grieves His heart; He cannot condone it; His perfect righteousness and justice demand that He deal with it. But He still loves sinners and diligently seeks them out and offers them His loving forgiveness.

God’s ancient people Israel kept going back to their sins. “What shall I do with you, O Ephraim? What shall I do with you, O Judah? For your loyalty is like a morning cloud, and like the dew which goes away early” (Hos. 6:4). But God never stopped loving them. “When Israel was a youth I loved him, and out of Egypt I called My son” (Hos. 11:1). “I led them with cords of a man, with bonds of love” (Hos. 11:4). “How can I give you up, O Ephraim? How can I surrender you, O Israel?” (Hos. 11:8). And because He never stopped loving them, He never stopped pleading with them: “Return, O Israel, to the Lord your God, for you have stumbled because of your iniquity” (Hos. 14:1).

We need to love like that. We need to forgive like that. We need to drag the festering hurts we have been harboring in our hearts to the cross of Christ—where we laid our own burden of guilt one day and where we found God’s loving forgiveness—and we must leave them all there. When we fully forgive, our minds will be released from the bondage of resentment that has been building a wall between us, and we shall be free to grow in our relationship with each other.

Being Down for the Count Should Count

I am down for the count. I had surgery this week that demanded I rest. I like sleep—but forced rest I don't care for. I had a hernia in my belly-button. It's gone now—not my belly button…  my hernia. At least, that is what the doctor tells me. I don't have any real proof since a layer of bandages hides the area in question. 

For over a year I believed I would be healed. I prayed for me. My wife prayed for me. My kids prayed for me. Men who had been healed of a similar ailment prayed for me. The church prayed for me. Strangers prayed for me. I felt like I was doing everything I could to work up my faith. To make it so God would do it. Heal me... 

But, God had a plan. The truth is, I had the faith that God would just touch me and heal me. What I didn't have the faith for was paying for the surgery if it came down to it. We have not had insurance this year and money has been tight. 

Sure I had faith for Him to do the miraculous physically, and I procrastinated having this surgery done because of it. And, of course, God came through. For two months I was given insurance by a client who decided to hire me outright. They let me keep my company, my hours and allow me to continue working from home. They thought it would be permanent, and I was certainly open to it... but I was told that the insurance would end last month after 30 days. The company was seeing financial difficulties and needed to stay in a professional relationship with me, but needed to let me go as a full-time employee. 

When I was told the news, I wasn't surprised... but I was still procrastinating on this surgery. I was running a company and I had no time for the downtime. But, God had bigger plans. The sea parted and time was made. Week-before-last my body told me it was time when the pain became unbearable. 

In just a few weeks I saw a doctor, scheduled the surgery, went through pre-op and now it is done. 

It turns out I am not a good patient. I dealt with a lot of fear. Being forced down to the mat, I faced a great deal of depression, anxiety, self-loathing and anger. In two weeks time I went from on-top of my game to one of the lowest points. 

I realized that God didn't heal me because He knows what I need to bring the things out in my heart that He wants dealt with. If he had just poked that sucker back in and sealed me up with His finger, I never would have been brought to this place. I would have kept moving as if nothing had happened and I never would have been faced with the hard truth. I still have deep, seeded things in me that He wants me to deal with. 

In a way it is freeing. Knowing your weaknesses means your not in the dark about what your facing, but it is also deeply humbling. My stomach wasn't the only thing that had a breach of flesh. My internal organs weren't where they were supposed to be—and, I am realizing this had just as much spiritual implication as it did physical. But, I never would have seen it if I had not been stopped. 

The climax to all of this came when I realized that at the core of who I am I am still a son of Adam. Sure I have been redeemed and paid for. Grafted, I am a new creature... but ultimately I was faced with the reality that in my genes still lies the propensity. 

I realized through this that faith is not faith if I merely believe God exists and God is good. True faith believes that God is and that the God who is will be good to me because of Christ regardless of my sin.

Talk or Lose

This week's Fighting Words comes from the best half...  Cindy told me this tonight on the way home from a leadership meeting. I was blown away. "You must do the blog tonight!" And, here it is...

Revelation 12:11 for Marriage

¹¹ They triumphed over him
   by the blood of the Lamb
   and by the word of their testimony;
they did not love their lives so much
   as to shrink from death.

I was sitting in a leadership training meeting tonight and someone spoke about the power of an invitation. Bam! Invitations are great…but testimonies? Testimonies change lives. Testimonies encourage and fuel our faith. Testimonies resonate with us. Sharing what Jesus has accomplished in and through us is powerful. And immediately during this I thought about Revelation 12:11 and what it means for marriage.

“By the blood of the Lamb”

Without applying the blood of the lamb to my spouse and myself, I will not triumph over the enemy or my flesh. With Jesus’ forgiving, powerful lifeforce blood covering my sin and my spouse’s sin (those annoying sins that grate on us and wear us down), I will triumph. I will see triumph in my marriage.

“And by the word of their testimony;”

So many people won’t share what is happening because if they isolate, no one knows just how bad it is; how bad they are. If we don’t share the struggle, we cannot share in the testimony of the healing, freedom, and victory. By sharing as couples with other couples, we give courage for others to believe God can do what He has already done for us. We show them the depth of our own brokenness, selfishness, and unrepentant hearts, and then they get to rejoice when we are new creatures. They get to see us holding hands and know we are not being fake. They know the road we walked and they know we have suffered long to enter this place of peace. Our hurting marriage hurts no longer and they can share in the testimony … they were with us on the journey. They didn’t lick our wounds or tell us to “man up” or “woman up” or let us continue in patterns of sin. They shared what God said – sometimes offending but “faithful are the wounds of a friend” – and what the Holy Spirit told them to say, and we were changed because of their lives and their testimonies that they shared that showed us we were not alone in this struggle of oneness.

“they did not love their lives so much as to shrink from death”

If we do not die to our own wants, needs, desires, expectations, selfish ambition, vain conceits, we will not overcome. We must die. We are better wives when we die. Our husbands are better husbands when they die to themselves. When I serve, I overcome. When I prefer my husband, I overcome. I want to die to my own pride. I want to overcome. I do not want to love my life so much that I am afraid to lose it. I will overcome in my marriage when I embrace the death of myself and let Christ live in me.

To the overcomers, Marriage Fight Clubbers and those who pre-date MFC (Jimmy & Kathleen and Mark & Jody), thank you for teaching us how to live Revelation 12:11. May we now go and do likewise.

He Perfects Us, Not Our Circumstances

Over a decade ago, before I made the decision to become a follower of Christ, I was preparing to become a Buddhist. After tremendous deliberation, I had decided that Buddhism offered the solution to filling a deep void in my heart left when I realized the god of my youth was a sham.

Like many who are culture-struck it is innate within us to seek out something—someone to help us transcend beyond our problems. The crux of the Buddhist faith is Transcendence beyond our trials. A true Buddhist will innocently challenge a Christian with the question, "Why would you follow a God who requires that you suffer for him?" Our answer does not make sense. It is because we love Him that we choose to persevere through trials.

We do not serve a God who does not talk back. We serve a God who loves us and wants to know us. We serve a very real God who loves us deeply and wants to be our strength when circumstances around us are grim. He does not want us to rise above the storm; He wants us, in faith, to persevere through it.

A pregnant mother, no matter how holy will carry a baby to term. An athlete, no matter his status in the kingdom will be required to train before receiving a medal. Our God celebrates growth. He requires it. He does not want mindless, spoiled children who crumble at the threat of thunder. He wants us to persevere and embrace Him as the great Deliverer.

The good news is that He did not leave us without instruction.

 ⁷ Israel, put your hope in the LORD,
   for with the LORD is unfailing love
   and with him is full redemption.
⁸ He himself will redeem Israel
   from all their sins. 

    — Psalm 130:7-8 

For most of us, the holidays are characteristically wrought with opportunities to abandon our plans of self-rescue and wait for God to move. Our Creator continues to be the only one who can truly rescue us from the cruel masters of sin and death. The verses above emphasize His power and willingness to save. He is, in fact, better at saving us than we are at sinning.

Christ saves us from the penalty and the power of sin. But he doesn't stop there. He delights in making all things new, empowering us to mend fences with others, bring joy where there is despair and make all that we do bring Him great glory. Though Jesus does not perfect our circumstances in this world, we should be able to see Him working to bring renewal to all areas of our lives.

The great servant does a great work for us, we who can not save ourselves.


 Think About It

1. The holiday season will bring trials. Are you prepared to face the storm with Him as your shield? Will you allow him to fortify strong relationships and repair broken ones? Make a list of those relationships you expect God to move upon and then show it to your spouse. Pray with each other and discuss. 

 2. Are you in a storm right now? Some storms God will cause to blow around you, while others He will require that you persevere through. Sometimes it is difficult to know which your storm is. Know that ultimately He wants to see Himself glorified in us. You don't have to go into the holiday season half-cocked and blind. Fight Club is here for you. Call someone. Ask for them to pray. Know that where there are two or more who agree, He is there.

 3. Who can you share the answers to these questions with? Will they walk with you through your freedom journey? Commit to six months of transparency, teachability and accountability with another husband or wife (same gender as yourself). 

Scripture for a Marriage

• Psalm 91:11

• Luke 7:36-50

Fight Bite: The Fight is Not Ours

Our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but... against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.  -Ephesians 6:12

For he shall give his angels charge over you  -Psalms 91:11

 

 If our battle is not with each other, then who is our battle with?  Who fights for us?

Kick @$$: What Andrew Said

How could one man chase a thousand, or two put ten thousand to flight, unless their Rock had sold them, unless the LORD had given them up?   -Deuteronomy 32:30

God's protection of His people was so certain that their conquest by enemies could occur only if it were He who gave them over. This is what Andrew said:

1 = can put 1 thousand to flight
1+1 = can put 10,000 to flight

Team mutiplies the abilities of the participants. In team the sum of the whole is much greater than the sum of the individual parts. There is a synergistic effect in unity.


Got any stories of this synergistic phenomenon? Bring 'em Thursday... 

Think About It

1. Are you working together allowing each other's strengths to play out, or are you still fighting against the grain demanding your way is the only way? 

2. Have you been guilty of robbing your family of this synergy? What can you repent for right now – with genuine and honest repentance – to your spouse? Now, do it. Right now.

3. Who can you share the answers to these questions with? Will they walk with you through your freedom journey? Commit to six months of transparency, teachability and accountability with another husband or wife (same gender as yourself). 


Scripture for a Marriage

• Deuteronomy 7:24

• Deuteronomy 6:10