There are two kinds of fighting in a marriage. Fighting each other while jockeying for position... or, the un-fight—where we step back and let God fight for us.
Sounds easy? It's not. The Israelites had a tough time of it even after all God did for them.
Led by Moses, God's chosen people fled the tyrannical Egyptians who had enslaved them for centuries. Once the Israelites were out of sight, the enraged Egyptians vowed to destroy them and climactic chase scene ensued.
You'd think they'd be more ready to be free. They weren't. They argued among their ranks and often displayed a lack of gratefulness. Even though they were free, they hadn't yet learned to be free. What's freedom to someone who's known nothing but captivity?
In Exodus 14:12, the people chided Moses to leave them alone. Their flight for freedom was proving disastrous with Pharaoh and their lack of faith was exposed. Despite the people's harsh words, Moses did not lash out against the complaining people. Instead he encouraged them with a promise that they would see the salvation of the Lord.
So is this our challenge? We're called to live it out. It's not there for the heck of it. Not keeping a record of wrongs? Not quick to anger? Patience? Kindness? Not seeking anything for ourselves? We naively place it at the beginning of marriage in our vows because there is poetry there that stirs our heart. But 1 Corinthians 13 isn't meant to just stir our hearts, it is meant to be a part of us. To challenge us. To tear us up so we can be put back together the right way by Him. It is meant to change us. To live the type of love 1 Corinthians describes is a tough chore in our own strength and cannot be achieved through our own measly humanity. It requires a miracle to live out.
Do we concern ourselves with our own righteousness and let God worry about our spouse's? If we're unfairly judged or attacked, like Moses, do we refuse to lash out against the offender? How? How do we get to that place where we can say, "Okay, God I am tired of doing it my way" and let Him fight for us? Expect Him to move on our behalf. Convict. Teach. Encourage. Correct. Parent. How can we be that yielding? That sounds impossible!
That sounds like faith.
Think About It
1. What was your captivity? Perhaps you were abused or neglected as a child; or maybe you just have a really bad addiction to prime time. Maybe you have a deep selfish streak, or possibly you're still fighting doing it all your way. All of us have some type of captivity we were rescued from. If that were not true, what would we need a Savior for? Take some time this week and ask God to show you the places in your heart that cause you to still live as a slave. Ask him to reveal to you the areas that are holding you back from being the blessing He has called you to be for your spouse.
2. Have you ever lashed out at your spouse because you were just fed up? What result did it get you? Is that the character of marriage you want for your spouse? For you? For your children? Do you think that is God's best for your family? What can you repent for right now – with genuine and honest repentance – to your spouse? Now, do it.
3. Who can you share the answers to these questions with? Will they walk with you through your freedom journey? Commit to six months of transparency, teachability and accountability with another husband or wife (same gender as yourself).
Scripture for Your Marriage
• 1 Corinthians 13
• Exodus 14:12-14
13 Moses answered the people, “Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the LORD will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again. 14 The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still.”So, what does that mean to us? If you're preparing the vows for your wedding, you'll no doubt consider 1 Corinthians 13. It's no wonder. The chapter is one of the most profound poetic compositions:
1 If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal...
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres
8 Love never fails...
So is this our challenge? We're called to live it out. It's not there for the heck of it. Not keeping a record of wrongs? Not quick to anger? Patience? Kindness? Not seeking anything for ourselves? We naively place it at the beginning of marriage in our vows because there is poetry there that stirs our heart. But 1 Corinthians 13 isn't meant to just stir our hearts, it is meant to be a part of us. To challenge us. To tear us up so we can be put back together the right way by Him. It is meant to change us. To live the type of love 1 Corinthians describes is a tough chore in our own strength and cannot be achieved through our own measly humanity. It requires a miracle to live out.
Do we concern ourselves with our own righteousness and let God worry about our spouse's? If we're unfairly judged or attacked, like Moses, do we refuse to lash out against the offender? How? How do we get to that place where we can say, "Okay, God I am tired of doing it my way" and let Him fight for us? Expect Him to move on our behalf. Convict. Teach. Encourage. Correct. Parent. How can we be that yielding? That sounds impossible!
That sounds like faith.
Think About It
1. What was your captivity? Perhaps you were abused or neglected as a child; or maybe you just have a really bad addiction to prime time. Maybe you have a deep selfish streak, or possibly you're still fighting doing it all your way. All of us have some type of captivity we were rescued from. If that were not true, what would we need a Savior for? Take some time this week and ask God to show you the places in your heart that cause you to still live as a slave. Ask him to reveal to you the areas that are holding you back from being the blessing He has called you to be for your spouse.
2. Have you ever lashed out at your spouse because you were just fed up? What result did it get you? Is that the character of marriage you want for your spouse? For you? For your children? Do you think that is God's best for your family? What can you repent for right now – with genuine and honest repentance – to your spouse? Now, do it.
3. Who can you share the answers to these questions with? Will they walk with you through your freedom journey? Commit to six months of transparency, teachability and accountability with another husband or wife (same gender as yourself).
Scripture for Your Marriage
• 1 Corinthians 13
• Exodus 14:12-14
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